You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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