I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
