Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
either way he was missing a nipple.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
