So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
