i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
