My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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