took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
