then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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