My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
