Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
