the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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