Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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