And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
