i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
