office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
