Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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