Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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