meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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