I like to think it a success when the cops are called
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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