Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
only you would photoshop your dick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
