we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
