Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
