Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
