I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
