the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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