So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
