tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if only i could text you this smell
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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