I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
