If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I bet he comes in French.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
