I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
