My nipple is on Facebook.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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