Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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