I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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