***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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