you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
