Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You need a sexual gate keeper
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
