you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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