Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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