Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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