I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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