just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
