I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize