I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
