Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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