I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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