Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
