I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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