I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Randomize
