Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
