good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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