Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
