dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
