There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
