If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
