nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
