Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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