if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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