The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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