the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
