If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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