Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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