are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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