For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
