Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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