Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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