I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
